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A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected and often humorous.

• Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

• Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

• I'm great at multi-tasking ~ I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

• Take my advice; I'm not using it.

• My wife and I were happy for twenty five years; then we met.

• Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

• Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

• Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

• Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

• He who laughs last thinks slowest.

• Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

• Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

• I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

• I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.

• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

• Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

• If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?

• No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

• Money is the root of all wealth.